Nature and life
कुदरत — जिंदगी
Nature is so beautiful, it is a system in itself that can never stop functioning. It never let you be in your comfort, Nature always pays back in one form or other.
This idea about nature and how that kept us in check always, came to me on Sunday when I was deep cleaning my house after months. About how nature or the universe always works for you.
The past few months (late 2019) have really hard for me. I have been severely depressed and affected by stress and anxiety disorder. I increased by 10kgs, became vitamin-D deficient and my hair-fall reached an extreme. I lost interest in a lot of things I use to enjoy. Observed a serious drop in my efficiency and concentration, many a time I have just booked a cab after being in the office in 1 hour as I would just like to be at home in my bed and nothing else. My relationship with everyone like family, close friends, and colleagues was worsening. All of this happened at the time when I was looking for a job change. And as expected all my interviews went horrible, yet in one place where I had a chance, I dropped due to indecisiveness. There were days I have just accepted defeat. I overshadowed my negative self and lost touch with any hope.
Coincidently, my enthusiasm for keeping my flat functional dropped. My washroom needed a plumbing fix, my fan needed a regulator, and the RO was not working (and I just started using tap water for drinking). The whole house felt like a manifestation of my emotional turbulence. At one point I was entertaining thoughts like “see I’m not functioning as a normal Human for months and yet things are going fine”
But I was yet to discover what nature has for me.
At one point, due to frustration, I called my sister to visit me for a weekend. The moment she entered the house, she took a look around and got into the super cleaning mode instantly. She asked me to make this place liveable in the next 2 hrs. This got me some energy to do some cleaning. In the next two hours of cleaning my room, closet, and kitchen, I realized what goes bad when you don’t take care of your home. Moths and Spiders were like the kings of the flat. I had to throw half of my clothes and put the rest for washing, empty most of my kitchen, and do dusting.
While I was on this cleaning spree, something hit me. How being in comfort and not taking care of yourself always put you in a bad situation. How nature has its ways to make sure that you are on the edge and you pay a price of slacking here and there.
Not cleaning your house properly: Moths will take over and destroy your clothes and food.
Not taking you care of yourself: BAM! Deficiency of Vitamin D and hair-fall depression.
Nature always tries to do the corrective action gives you feedback for your actions and demands you to be better. At the end of this, I realized the importance of taking care of things both physically and mentally.
After, this small push, I have pushed myself to be in an improvement cycle. I have started doing my daily exercise and mediation, making my own breakfast, and taking bath daily. But this has met with its own challenge.
Belief by others in me has helped. I got some confidence in myself when I started talking to people and got a little appreciation for my work, which fuelled me and kept me moving.
I use to check a lot of resources online and was getting really frustrated as none of them were making any change to me. But I decided to take a more structured approach to it, I read a few pages of the book: The Mood therapy which help me build a perspective on how the science behind such thinking patterns and behaviors work. I kept my close friend's updated, closed my open stressors, or triggers for spiral negative thinking.